Ashley Maria Duffenais

Ashley Maria Duffenais came into the world on June 16, 1992 in Stephenville, Newfoundland, at 7lbs, 8 1/2 oz. She was born with a wisp of blonde hair and big blue eyes. She was my first child, the first grandchild, the first neice in the family. She was a pleasant baby and turned into a pleasant child. Before I say more, here is how she described herself :

i'm ashley. i'm not perfect, but my heart is in the right place. family always comes first, and that'll never change. odds are, i'll never trust you. i've been lied to enough to know better. i've made mistakes, but i've learnt from them. don't count on me to make the same mistakes again. i've changed a lot in the last year, and i'm still changing. i'm generally not a violent person, but if you hurt my friends, watch your back. i love a challenge, especially if it makes me think. i'll respect your opinions, and i expect the same respect in return; however, i love to challenge people. don't mistake my challenges for disrespect. i'm my own person, and i won't change for you.
Her loves:
ilove: God. writing. singing. acoustic music. local bands. tattoos. piercings. global awareness. taking pictures. cheerleading. the ocean. nanaimo. anything that can make me laugh. acoustic guitars. udon soup. tiny wrists. reading. accomplishment. earl gray tea. winter. vanilla softlips. the body shop. scarves. big sweaters. being warm and cozy. twloha. genuine affection. hockey (canucksFTW). control. good spelling. concerts. being alone but not lonely. contentness. laughing until you cant breathe. inside jokes. old times. sleeping in. sleepovers. hollyoaks. proper grammar. postsecret. butterflies in your stomach.

And less than a month before she took her life.....
thoughts.09:10pm | Apr 19, '09

-my dad is moving to edmonton in two weeks... no joke.

-3-0 CANUCKS OMGOMGOMG. SUPER SUPER EXCITING. HAHA SUCKS TO BE AN OILERS FAN.

-super stoked for whistler. especially the hotel. three heated outdoor pools overlooking the mountains, and we're staying in suites.

- i want my hair blonde again SO freaking badly, but i can't dye it until after grad, because blonde would look bad with my dress.

-super stoked for the rodeo. i loveee cowboys

-17 again wasn't a great movie, wouldn't recommend it. or at least wait until it comes out to see it... don't waste your money.

-CANT WAIT TO SEE THE COUSINS AGAIN THIS SUMMER. OMG. kayla + jess + clay + me = best times ever. i f'''' love my family.

- i definately was not made for a city lifestyle. i honestly have always wanted to live on a farm. i'll probably move to either a small town, or calgary after uni.

-this secret is completely me. lately i'm happy, and i'm not letting other people bring me down.

Well, her dad came to Alberta...for her funeral
Vancover Canucks did not win the Stanley Cup.
She went on the trip to Whistler.......less than 7 hours after getting home.....she ended her life. No one knows why.

More about her life....


In Kindergarten, her teacher took a special liking to Ashley. She had her tested and designated as gifted....Ashley was reading novels by 6! We had moved to Calgary, Alberta for a short time, where her sister Cassie was born. Ashley was a great Big Sister!!! She was so proud of being able to teach Cassie everything she knew. She adored her sister, and her sister adored her.
Ashley was friends with everybody, young or old, she found something in common with them.
At 7 years old, and again in Stephenville, she became addicted to the Harry Potter novels....she had read the first 3....and was very annoyed that she had to wait a year for the next novel to come out. She named her new dog Muggles, and had a best friend Calvin, who she never forgot.
In 2001, Ashley, Cassie and I moved to Nanaimo, British Columbia.
Ashley loved it there..she met a lot of good friends there. In grade 6, she was given "most improved student' at her elementary school. She had not really improved any, but they knew that she was well beyond what they were teaching in that grade. She, after some discussion, got to skip grade 7 and go directly to high school. She was tall for her age, and quite mature, so on to Woodlands High School she went. She enjoyed school, got involved with Cadets and choir, but spent most of her time at home reading...always reading. Summers were spent at swimming holes and visiting with cousins.
After 2 years at Woodlands, we moved again... this time, to Edmonton, Alberta. We were closer to family and had better opportunities.
At first, Ashley hated life in Edmonton. She was 13 and starting grade 9 at Mcnally High.
Ashley did alot of complaining that first year.....she hated being away from BC and NF.
By grade 10, that had changed. Ashley had discovered Cheerleading! Cheer was her 'high'. She also played rugby, was on the student council, on several fundraising teams for cancer, which she continued to do for grade 11, but gave up rugby in grade 12 (too many bruises- might ruin grad pictures). She then was on the yearbook council, student union, and working part time.
She also got a pug, which she named Dobby- her love for Harry Potter never changed! ALL of the reality shows...Romber wouldnt be a good name for the poor pup!

2009 was an exciting year for Ashley. She was 16 years old and in her final year of high school. She had been accepted at several universities, but chose University of Alberta, where she could be close to her little sister who is waiting for a liver transplant. She had a Whistler ,BC trip for choir, auditions for the Edmonton Eskimos cheer team, was going to coach her high school cheer team, graduation, commencement, and upon turning 17, was going to be able to be a blood donor. She was excited for sure! She had it planned! Her and her friends were going to donate blood, as a group, then have Ashleys 17th birthday party, then all of them were going to get small tatoos. That would be June.
She had chosen her graduation dress, it was proudly covered in her bedroom closet, as were her shoes and jewellery. Graduation was on May 29, 2009.
May 7th was the day she had been looking forward to. Her and the school choir and band would be travelling to Whistler BC for 4 days. She had been looking forward to the trip for the whole year, and by all accounts since, had a great time.
She came home at about 7;30 on May 11th. She was exhausted, but chatted away about the events of the trip, and finally at 11;30, said she was going downstairs to post the pictures of the trip on facebook. She said "goodnight mom, I love you, see you in the morning."
Those are the last words she spoke.
The next morning, I found her still downstairs.....but no longer in this life.
No signs, no letter, no clues...nothing but her last Myspace post
I just want to die.
I take a small comfort in knowing that the last words I said to her were that I loved her. I take less comfort in the fact that she repeated it back to me, instead of telling me she needed help. I know she loved us all, and in that moment, never thought about how much we would hurt without her.
The hurt doesnt go away....not for one second. My heart has been shattered, and we now try to put it back together in some new form that will allow us to be greatful for the time we had with Ashley, instead of thinking of how much of us went with her on May 12, 2009